Elephants
How do you get four elephants into a Mini?Two in the front, two in the back.
Filed under Uncategorized | Comment (0)There’s a parrot on the plane
|On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee where upon the parrot squawks “And get me a whisky you cow!” The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot and forgets the coffee. When this omission is pointed out to her the parrot drains its glass and bawls “And get me another whisky you idiot”. Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another whisky but still no coffee. Unaccustomed to such slackness the man tries the parrot’s approach “I’ve asked you twice for a coffee, go and get it now or I’ll kick you”. The next moment, both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards. Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says “For someone who can’t fly, you complain too much!”
Filed under Uncategorized | Comment (0)Gas Stations
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?-George Carlin
Filed under Uncategorized | Comment (0)What’s the worst thing about washing your cat?
Q: What’s the worst thing about washing your cat?A: Getting the fur off your tongue afterwards.
Filed under Uncategorized | Comment (0)MD Qs and As
What does a graduate student with a science degree ask? “Why does it work?”What does a graduate student with an engineering degree ask? “How does it work?”What does a graduate student with an accounting degree ask? “How much will it cost?”What does a graduate student with a liberal arts degree ask? “Do you want fries with that?”
Filed under Uncategorized | Comment (0)And Jesus said unto his disciples…
And Jesus said unto his disciples, “Whom do men say that I am?”And His disciples answered unto Him, “Master, thou art the supreme eschatological manifestation of omnipotent ecclesiastical authority, the absolute, divine, sacerdotal monarch.”And Jesus said, “What?”
Filed under Uncategorized | Comment (0)Change
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Filed under Uncategorized | Comment (0)Conversion
A Jewish lawyer was troubled by the way his son turned out, and went to see his Rabbi about it. “I brought him up in the faith, gave him a very expensive bar mitzvah, cost me a fortune to educate him. Then he tells me last week he has decided to be a Christian. Rabbi… where did I go wrong?”"Funny you should come to me,” said the Rabbi. “Like you, I, too, brought my boy up in the faith, put him through University, cost me a fortune, then one day he comes and tells me he has decided to become a Christian.”"What did you do?” asked the lawyer. “I turned to God for the answer,” replied the rabbi.”And what did he say?”He said, “Funny you should come to me…”
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