Jokes Every Day at JOKE.PH !

Reasoning Test

admin — Tue, 25 Jan 2011 08:07:55 +0000

Three elderly ladies were at the doctor for a cognitive reasoning test.The doctor says to the first gal, “What is three times three?” “297,” was her prompt reply. “Ummm humm,” says the doc.The doctor says to the second lady, “It’s your turn now. What is three times three?” “Friday,” replies the second lady. “Ummm humm…”Then the doc says to the third, “Okay, mam, your turn. What’s three times three?”"Nine,” she says. “That’s wonderful!” says the doc. “Tell me, how did you get that?”"Simple,” she says, beaming… “I subtracted 297 from Friday!”

Kid Sayings!

admin — Tue, 25 Jan 2011 00:07:53 +0000

A four year old girl was learning to say the Lord’s Prayer. She was reciting it all by herself without help from her mother. She said, “And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us some e-mail.”

Real news headlines 03

admin — Mon, 24 Jan 2011 16:07:50 +0000

These are actual newspaper headlines gathered from papers across the country. Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim Shot Off Woman’s leg Helps Nicklaus to 66 Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told Miners Refuse to Work After Death Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant Stolen Painting Found by Tree Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter

Why are there so many Jones’s in the phone book?

admin — Mon, 24 Jan 2011 08:07:48 +0000

Why are there so many Jones’s in the phone book? Because they all have phones.

The young wife was in tears when she opened the door…

admin — Mon, 24 Jan 2011 00:07:46 +0000

The young wife was in tears when she opened the door for her husband. “I’ve been insulted,” she sobbed. “Your mother insulted me.” “My mother!” he exclaimed. “But she is a hundred miles away.” “I know, but a letter came for you this morning and I opened it.” He looked stern, “I see, but where does the insult come in?” “In the postscript,” she answered. “It said: ‘Dear Alice, don’tforget to give this letter to George.’”

Opinions

admin — Sun, 23 Jan 2011 16:07:44 +0000

Everybody knows there are different opinions to everything. Here are some.*A smoking section in a restaraunt is like a peeing section in a pool.*Always look on the negative side, so you’ll never be dissapointed.*Men are like snow storms, you never know how many inches you’ll get, or how long it will last.

Yo mama so fat.. tripped

admin — Sun, 23 Jan 2011 08:07:41 +0000

Yo mamma’s so fat, she tripped on 4th Avenue and landed on 12th.

yo mama so fat.. drivers license

admin — Sun, 23 Jan 2011 00:07:39 +0000

Yo mama is so fat that her driver’s license says, “Picture continued on other side.”

Two old friends from the mountains ran into each other…

admin — Sat, 22 Jan 2011 16:07:37 +0000

Two old friends from the mountains ran into each other at thelocal bar. One said, “Heard ya went to the big city Jeb.” Hisfriend replied, “Yep. Even tried me out one of those ‘loosewomen’ ya always hear about.” “You don’t say.” said the firstman. “Bet that was costly.” “Nope.” Jeb smirked. “Kinfolk.”at thelocal bar. One said, “Heard ya went to the big city Jeb.” Hisfriend replied, “Yep. Even tried me out one of those ‘loosewomen’ ya always hear about.” “You don’t say.” said the firstman. “Bet that was costly.” “Nope.” Jeb smirked. “Kinfolk.”

Impaired Vision

admin — Sat, 22 Jan 2011 08:07:36 +0000

A sex therapist was doing research at the local college when one of the male volunteers told him, “When I get it in part way, my vision blurs. And when I get it all the way in, I can’t see a thing.”"Hmmm…that’s an interesting optical reaction to sex,” said the researcher. “Would you mind if I had a look at it?”So the volunteer stuck out his tongue!